PYROMANIA aka Flame -- 1/??
by Padfoot
Summary: Oy. This is heavily playing off three things; my life, Escaflowne, and my pyromanical urges. All three interconnect wildly. It's about MWPP + L. Dilly and Chesta are borrowed from Esca. Really interesting...


# PYROMANIA **or FLAME**

## A Series Written by the One Known as Padfoot

(picture from the Weib Kreuz Web Site @ [www.weibkreuz.com][1])

(representing James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter)

"What exactly would you do with four cans of spray paint, a hostage Slytherin, and the option to become totally invisible?" 

"I don't know, Padfoot, what would you do?" 

"Prongs, I have an idea." 

"I never would have guessed." 

Sirius bowed. "Thank you, benigne, Prongs." 

"Does this idea involve a certain hostage Ravenclaw's silvery brown hair?" 

"You're talking my language, amigo." 

James smiled wildly. "And what might you have up your sleeve, behind your back, hidden in your manic mind?" 

"Is it too early for Halloween?" 

"No, I don't believe it's **ever** to early for Halloween!" 

"So Chesta.What is your favorite color?" Sirius asked the trembling third year at their feet.He was tied to a chair, gagged, and struggling. 

"Moo." Chesta said, but was impaired by the gag. 

"Does he think himself a cow?Moo, moo he says!" 

"Bmoo…" 

"Now he has become a cow with a lisp!" James laughed, untieing the gag covering Chesta's lips. 

"Was that Blue you were trying to say, Chesta?" 

Chesta nodded sullenly. 

"Blue it is, Padfoot!" James grinned.Sirius shook the can of spray paint. 

~*~ 

"What the bloody hell did you think you were doing you two?!" McGonagall had come down hard on them.Sirius was holding back laughter, not even miffed by the possibility of punishment.James was sitting expressionlessly beside him. 

"Spray painting a third year's hair?!" 

"He told us to." 

McGonagall gave an exasperated sigh. "Deten…detention.With Professor Sinistra.Thursday, 9 o'clock in her tower." 

"Thank you, Professor." Sirius added as they left. 

She collapsed into her chair. 

~*~ 

Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were sitting at the Gryffindor table the next morning at breakfast.Chesta and his friend, Dilly, were shooting daggers at Sirius and James with their icy stares. 

Sirius got up on his chair and pretended to keel over from the blow of a knife.Chesta sniffed and turned on his heel and left.Dilly followed after him, glancing at Sirius who lay motionless on the floor. 

"Okay… Sirius…up, child." Anna Maria said, standing over him, arms folded. 

"Annie!" Sirius brightened, awakening from his 'death.' 

Anna Maria smiled as Sirius nearly pulled her down using her to get up.They both burst out laughing. 

James, Remus, and Peter stared at them."What's so funny?" Peter scoffed, scowling at them. 

"BURN!" Sirius said quickly, flipping out a lighter.He picked up Annie's notebook and tried to light it on fire.Annie screeched ("Meep!") and snatched it, blowing on the flames licking her Transfiguration homework. 

"You…are…a pyro!!" 

Sirius grinned broadly and began to giggle. 

"Sirius.Stop **giggling**!" Remus said, slapping him in the head. 

Sirius stopped short, looked at Remus's coppery-brown hair."Fire…" And promptly burst out laughing again. 

"Sirius.Stop **laughing**!" 

Sirius stopped again, gave Remus a sad puppy face and turned to Annie.He moved so his nose was about half a micrometer from touching her's.Mind you, he had to stoop several inches. 

He stared right into her eyes and did something spasmodic with his eyes that caused them to "wiggle."Annie screeched and Sirius began laughing. 

"Sirius, **STOP**!" 

James gently reached out and took Sirius's lighter. "I think it's best that somebody…normal…or at least more normal than you held onto this." He promptly walked over to a girl who was deep in a chat with one of her friend at the Gryffindor table. 

"Yo…Evans…" 

She turned and it was obvious to all of James' friends that he was smitten with her. 

She cocked her head, her long red curls spilling over her shoulder.She blinked her gorgeous green eyes. "Yes?" 

Sirius giggled again."James Potter, stop drooling." 

James shook his head and handed Lily the lighter."Would you keep this away from Sirius for a while?He's trying to burn people." 

"Burn people?" 

Sirius appeared at James' side.His stretched his hand out, taking a lock of Lily's long red hair between his fingers. 

"Fire hair…" He murmured, gently twisting the lock around his finger. 

Lily smiled.Not at James, at Sirius. 

"Firey is as firey does… now… shoo… we were just discussing how nice your ass looks on a broom. Toodles." 

Sirius choked and collapsed into a chair in another fit of giggles.James stood in shock, mouth hanging open like a fish out of water.He took a deep breath and turned back to the group.Remus and Annie had highly amused looks on their faces. 

~*~ 

James woke up, hearing funny noises.He got out of bed, pulled his red fluffy slippers on and slipped into the bathroom. 

Sirius was standing in front of the full length mirror, seeming to be admiring his rear. 

"SIRIUS BLACK!" 

"Oh…hi James…" He held up a pair of black flared pants and a pair of red leather ones."Tell me which ones look better?" 

He yanked the black ones on.He looked somewhat scary like that.James shook his head.Then he pulled the red leather ones on.They had studs up the side seams and went down, covering his feet in perfectly fitted flare. 

"Woah… don't take this wrong or anything, but those pants were made for you, Padfoot." 

Sirius grinned and began fiddling with shirts.He finally decided on a black muscle shirt with flames going up the chest.James noticed Sirius's muscles… 

Sirius was built…muscles…height… somewhat tamable hair… expressive, dark eyes… Everything James had always wanted.But lo, he was kinda short, scrawny, messy-haired, and pale.He took a deep breath and turned to go back to bed. 

But Sirius stopped him. "Do…do you think…she'd go out with me?" 

"Who?" 

"Lily Evans… flame?" 

James's head spun."Sure." He shook his head, insides aching and went back to bed. 

~*~ 

When he woke up, Sirius was trying unsuccessfully to highlight his hair red.He was wearing the same outfit he had tried on last night and Remus was trying to gel his cowlick down, but it just made everything else sticky and the cowlick stick straighter up. 

Peter was untangling a dead spider from his dull brown hair. 

"Fudge!" He shouted, stamping his foot. 

Sirius snorted. 

James pulled on some blue jeans and a Quidditch jersey.He ran his fingers through his hair and stopped.He gazed into the mirror and sighed.Just another scrawny kid.Would he ever grow up? 

~*~ 

They almost supernaturally met at the door, Sirius's hair highlighted red, Remus's sticky as ever, and Peter's with spider-legs sticking out.James gave them a weak smile and they stepped into the common room. 

James's breath caught in his throat.Lily Evans was perched on a chair, applying lip liner.He heard Sirius take a deep breath and saw him shake his head. 

Peter ran into a chair trying to get a spider leg out of his hair and ran into Lily.Her eyes widened momentarily as she toppled off and landed sprawled on the floor. 

She opened her mouth, but closed it and stood up, extending a hand quickly to Peter.He gaped and pulled himself up without her help.She shrugged and picked up her lip liner, bending down, facing away from them. 

James told himself not to look… Don't be gay… you're not some sick perv… She straightened; eyes fixed on Sirius and blinked gently.James felt his blood boil.What made Sirius so great? 

Sirius stepped forward, his hands clenched. 

"Lily." He said quickly, focusing his eyes on her's. 

She winked, tilting her head oh-so-invitingly. "Yes?" Her voice was smooth as silk, ringing like church bells in his head. 

"I was wondering if you might accompany me to the Three Broomsticks this evening?" 

"Oh… that would…be lovely." She said, her lips curling into a smirky smile. 

James didn't notice that Annie had walked up behind him until she put a hand on his shoulder. 

"You know James…you just need a bit more confidence." 

"What?!" He said, turning sharply. 

"You think yourself small…do the opposite…" 

"What **are** you talking about?" 

"Oh, nevermind." She said gently, almost hinting that that wasn't what she meant. 

"Hum." James said, willing his blood to stop rushing in his ears. 

James barely noticed as Sirius took Lily's hand and walked her out the portrait hole. 

~*~ 

"What about us?" Peter scowled after he had watched Sirius and Lily walk away. 

Remus sighed, "You know Sirius.Women come before everything." 

"Even us." James snarled, clenching his wand in his pocket. 

"What's the matter, James?" 

James thought vaguely of telling Remus exactly what he was feeling, exactly why he wanted to murder Sirius at that moment, and exactly why he wasn't so sure he wanted to go to breakfast. 

"Nothing.Just nothing." 

~*~ 

Laugh.Giggle.Hand squeeze.Hug… tug on hair…James tried to recite every annoying little thing Sirius was doing with Lily. 

And then it happened, his blood erupted in utter hate for his best friend.Right there, outside the Charms room, in full view of anyone and everyone. 

They kissed. 

James nearly cried out he was so angry. 

He was never going to talk to the traitor again.He was going to become enemies… do things like those they did to Severus Snape, but only to Sirius, his ex-best friend. 

Best friend… 

He didn't deserve that title. 

Chesta walked over, holding a can of red spray paint.James looked up. 

Chesta pushed the button. 

It didn't really make much difference on James's face; it was already brick red.He just now had red hair… like balloon red hair… 

~*~ 

"I'm not going." 

"POTTER, IT'S TIME FOR THE DAMN QUIDDITCH MATCH!" 

"I'm NOT GOING!" 

"POTTER, I'LL KICK YOU OFF THE TEAM!" 

"GO AHEAD!" 

"POTTER, DO YOU WANT ME TO GET MCGONAGALL?" 

"SURE!" 

"POTTER!" 

Frank Longbottom hit James hard in the stomach with his Nimbus 1117. 

"I'm telling you, Potter, get your Silver Arrow and your robes and get out of that bed!" 

"I'm not playing with that stupid…stupid…idiot." 

"WHO?" 

"Him!" James pointed at Sirius, who was carefully arranging his scarlet robes and touching up his highlights. 

"Black…get your ass over here." 

"Um, yo?" Sirius said, swaggering over to them, throwing his hips out rather characteristically. 

"What's this about?" 

Sirius looked puzzled. 

"What's what what?" 

"Why does James refuse to play with you?" 

"I don't know…most people don't play with me…that's Lil. . ." Sirius stopped, a look of putting two and two together look pouring into his face."You're…mad…about Lily!" 

James buried his head in the pillow.Sirius cocked his head, nodding it rapidly, staring sideways at James. 

Frank scowled. "Girl trouble?" 

"I guess… we'll both be down at the pitch in ten minutes, okay?" 

"It'll be your head if Potter doesn't show." 

"Yes sir." 

~*~ 

Sirius sat down on the bed, rolling his eyes. 

"Why didn't you say something?" 

"What?" 

"I'd have laid off if you had given me half a clue that you liked her." 

"Huh?"James muttered, not believing that Sirius was putting him in the wrong. 

"You don't trust me at all… Honestly though, I've got a sense of decency…somewhere… one of these damn pockets…" Sirius pretended to look in his pockets."The point is, I'm not going to just dump her to make you happy." 

"Then why are you hanging around?" 

"Because you need to learn to trust me.I'm not some backstabber.If I had had any idea…" 

"I get the picture… 

"But, I won't do the lovey dovey act.Give me one week of having a normal relationship with a gal, and then I'll make her yours." 

"Say what?" 

"I am the master of the mischief, the chief of the mayhem, instigator of trouble.I have a scheme for every scene… I can make anything you want yours.At the price of your soul." Sirius gave James a cocky grin, standing malevolently on his bed, tossing his hair back. "I drive a hard bargain.Take it or leave it." 

"You are the most annoying person I've ever met." 

Sirius took a bow.

PaUsE in the Story for Padfoot to write more story. Padfoot doesn't really own anybody but Annie who is a characture of herself and her obsession with a guy mucho like Sirius's character. He's even obsessed with his own ass. Strange. The photo from Weib Kreuz is really cool...and I think they make perfect MWPP...

Story Posted on October the 23rd. thank you.

Benigne means thank you... in Latin.

This is posted on [www.fanfiction.net][2] and you can review it there. This story is based on three concepts:

1) My insane life in a sort of allegorical sense.

2) The anime series Escaflowne which FOX KIDS (WHO SUCK ROYALLY) took off the air. Over Nascar Racers. IDIOTS.

3) My diagnosed Pyromania. Everything is becoming red, orange, and black! Even Harrywood!

NO CHANGES WERE MADE IN THE TEXT OF THE STORY DURING MY REFORMATTING (REPLACEMENT). Just to all these annoying author's note stuff.

Anyways.

[http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Park/6943/pyro.html][3]

BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE

   [1]: http://www.weibkreuz.com
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net
   [3]: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Park/6943/pyro.html



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